Monday, April 25, 2011

Is The Royal Wedding Tacky?

A deluxe edition costs 59.99 pounds. So gauche!
Royal wedding fever is sweeping the globe, but in my tiny apartment, far away from Westminster Abbey, there are a few details that still do not sit right with me.

1. One Word: iTunes

Selling your wedding vows on iTunes? I would sooner have my unwed ring finger chopped off than do such a thing. This is just tacky. I feel that a declaration of enduring love, even on a global stage, is still a sacred act. Hardly a deeply religious sort myself, I still could not imagine saying "I do" and then selling my words. Maybe I am sentimental to imagine wedding vows should stay forever floating among the cherubs, doves, hearts, and angels instead of in digital file format? Dunno.

2. The wedding dress: an unknown factor.

I am kind of aflutter and excited about the dress, but we still have not seen it. Meanwhile, I have my doubts about Kate Middleton's ability to select the "right" one. Her fashion sensibility is awfully blah. The engagement announcement dress by Reiss was a hit, but the fact is that Kate Middleton is a wholesome, pretty girl who can pop her head on top of just about any plain outfit.

She has two options. If she wears a simpler wedding gown, the effect could be a "non"-wow. Frightening! What a disappointment that will be if she looks just passable at the most talked-about wedding of the year. (To make matters worse, Chelsea Clinton raised the bar as well for bridal attire in that enchanting Vera Wang dress, and it will be nearly impossible to top her.)

Alternatively, if she picks a dress that is more fashion-forward, she might look awkward. The wedding dress could "wear her." Reports indicate she may wear an Alexander McQueen dress designed by Sarah Burton. This is reason to be excited but nervous for Kate. So many McQueen dresses have a morbid edge too. If Burton does it, will the dress channel romantic mood or be covered in creepy feathers?  The Huffington Post's royal correspondent said Kate would don a dress by Libelula, but then that fashion company denied the reports. Confusion!

3. Reports indicate there will be NO bouquet toss

This is my favorite part of every wedding because I always catch it. Of course, the rush to capture the bouquet from Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding could be positively murderous. To avoid a Wal-Mart-like stampede, Kate might drop it on a grave of an unnamed soldier instead. What a dreary alternative!

Well, sorry to be a pill. I actually can't wait to see the grand event, but until then, I will be biting my fingernails in desperate, somewhat annoyed anticipation.



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