BEFORE YOU MAY READ ABOUT SOME OF MY FAVORITE PRODUCTS YOU MUST DEFEAT THE DESTROYER OF PERFECTLY GOOD VASELINE!
Tarte (that's pronounced "tart," for all you tarts who were unsure) cheek stain in "flush." Even though the color names are not exactly subverting the patriarchy ("flush," whatever. But "tipsy?" "Blushing bride?"), nothing makes me look not-exactly-ill like a good cheek stain, and no cheek stain is better than Tarte. It is not too watery, so it doesn't run down my face and make me look red all over, and it is not too goopy, so it doesn't look like goop. It works ok as lip stain, too - it tastes narsty, but that just means I won't lick it off.
Smith's Rosebud Salve. Lipgloss, cuticle cream, eyelid shiny-maker, eyebrow tamer, and in a pinch, spermicide. I guess I could just schlep around Vaseline, but does Vaseline come in a nasty plastic jar that dog hair sticks to and not a cute arts-and-craftsy looking tin? Yes. Does Vaseline smell like baby powder and not like dog hair? No. Plus, the company makes something called "Cloverine," and I don't know what that is, but I know I WANT IT. I will acquire and report back.
I am not even going to mention the mascara I have in my bag, because it is a joke. It tries, but it is not Lancome Flextencils. I always try to buy something new and think that it will be better and I will have eyelashes as long and lush as reeds on the limpid pools of my eyeballs, but it never happens, and I should just take the totally respectable length and lushness I get from Flextencils and LOVE THE ONE I'M WITH.
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