Thursday, January 31, 2008

Kaboom Goes My Life, but Heather Graham Will Make It Better

So this is an extra-long, tell-all post....

It's all much more than boohoo. This time, my boyfriend will have a new name. I call him ex-boyfriend, and no amount of waterproof mascara or chocolate will hide the sorrow in my heart.

There are the obvious solutions to breaking up, so probably some combination of Steps 1 through 5 will work.

1. I am considering joining a nunnery. Couvent des Minimes is a new product line, and Couvent literally means convent. The company mailed me their honey-scented body wash which has me convinced becoming a nun will give me the opportunity to become a beekeeper and brush up on my French. I think life as a nun could be good.

2. Kissing as many boys as possible. My problem here is that boys are yucky and stupid. (Can you be any less mature, Charlotte?)

3. Writing a novel in which my boyfriend, I mean ex-boyfriend (sob!!!!), appears as a villain. Or a puppy? That would be so sad....

4. Wallowing in sadness, while watching the film Cake and eating cookies. In the film, Heather Graham becomes editor-in-chief of a women's magazine, and her best friend is Sandra Oh. Her life is so awesome and cool. And then, I think she falls in love....Shoot!

5. Which brings me to ye olde fallback: Wearing a ton of blush and shopping. It's sick, but blush makes you look happy. I wear Revlon Cream Blush to cover the tracks of my tears. What's your style?

If you see my non-boyfriend, tell him I miss him.

What else?

With the advent of Lipstick Jungle, trying not to see Brooke Shields or Sarah Jessica Parker in their underwear is going to be a full-time occupation.
Sheesh! Can't a girl get some peace and quiet in this town? Before casting any more stones at vaguely unhappy Manhattan women who are fictional, unlike me, I will wait until this show airs....

Buy it:Couvent Des Minimes Honey Shower Gel ($16), Belk, BonTon and Dillard’s; Revlon Cream Blush in Flirtatious ($9.50), Walgreens.

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