The Ballad of Pasty Jack

Hey lambchops! Happy summer! To celebrate, I have been getting my ass kicked by work. It's awesome. I love it.

Also, I have been sweating a lot, and getting sunburned. Which allows me to introduce what I believe will be a regular theme on Eyeshadow Government in coming months, Stuff That Has Something To Do With Sun and/or Heat, At Least In My Mind.

First up, Dallas powder blush/bronzer, by the Venerable Benefit. I am so pale that I can't even use self-tanner, because it just turns greenish on my blue skin. So it's all about taking it one day at for me, with bronzers and whatall. Except I'm so pale I can't even use a lot of bronzers.

I'm so pale, my ass has its own zipcode. IN PALETOWN. No? Lost you? Ok.

Dallas is actually a pretty nifty solution to the pale problem for me, because it's not orangey, or even brown, it's a nice plummy color with the subtlest gold flecks. It reminds me of the pretty striated stone in the Painted Desert, which is nowhere near Dallas, but whatever. Somehow, it manages to look like the color I would get if I ever actually got color, as opposed to the color I would get if I stole someone else's skin. Which, you know, gross.

More soon, including WHY CAN'T I JUST BE PALE AND LOVE IT?

More mascara is sold on Father's Day than on any other day of the year.

Paging Sheila Jeffreys.

Aside from her film career, Marlene played the saw and PUT WAX IN HER EYE.

Boy, the Sephora ladies sure have the inside dirt on those Golden Era movie stars. Who knew! I was in last week-ish to buy a nice, brightening inside-the-eye liner because I'm tired of only drawing on the outside of my eyelids.

Eventually, I settled on the soft pencil/highlighter combo of Tarte's Rest Assured Brightening Wand, reviewed by The Addict here. For the record, I like it a bit better than she does, but it hasn't changed my life.

Anyway, as I was paying for it, the Awesome Queen of Trivia behind the counter asked me "Do you know how Marlene Dietrich got this effect?" I didn't. "What she did," AQofT explained, "was she put some melted wax on a bobby pin, and applied that to her inner lid."

And do you know how cavewomen did it? They just pounded themselves in the eye with rocks. Excelsior!

after the test

- Missha... or Miss Ha? I'm not sure.

- Something that I learned about Marlene Dietrich.

- Pondering why I would even try to approximate a tan on my skin when all of nature cries out so loudly against it.

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Exam for a Kind of Professional School Monday.

If five children, Adelbert, Brendan, Cillan, Duane and Ebisu and three adults, Manuel, Nori and Olu have to fit on to three boats, one of which is a schooner, one of which is a skiff and one of which is a rickety pirate ship...

That kind of stuff. But the answer is always JUSTICE.