Fruit? As If...

So I was looking all over the shelves in my refridgerator for cantaloupe. How could a l'il girl like me lose a big beige and green melon like that?

Lightning rod! Ah, yes. When I had reached the checkout at Whole Foods, I decided that given the choice between the latest issue of Vogue and a cantaloupe, I wanted Vogue.

Thanks economy.

Sugar, Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah, Honey, Honey

Well, I had initially planned to continue my honey experiment through the rest of the week. You'd keep on reading, right? It would be a ridiculous mini-drama.

But as much as I love being the center of attention, I just -- couldn't -- do -- it. All I could think of was that scene in The Parent Trap. Hayley Mills or one of those very innocent, cute girls (okay, thanks IMDB, it was really Joanna Barnes) wakes up in summer camp drizzled in honey, shrieking and terrified. My gut feeling about a honey mask was: Ew! Not again!

Verdict on the goo: a solid honey mask possibly improved overall tone and smoothness, but it was too hard to actually get off my face, thus causing further irritation. Also, there is the fact that the only living things I know who play with honey with their fingers are bears.

I am not a bear. Thank you my dears, but I am a lady.

Enough nonsense! Off for a wander with my parasol.

My Face Is as Sweet as Honey

But you already knew that.

Today, it is literally as sweet as honey though. In a moment of desperation, it seemed like a good idea. So now as I type this message to you, my face, nose and forehead are covered with a healthy dollop of honey, sticky as the La Brea tar pits and sweet as can be.

I have been reading that honey poultices can cure, uh, deadly staph infections and severe burns and wounds due to its powerful antimicrobial agents. Will it cure minor skin unevenness and, even, a few spots?

I don't know. Between the warm weather and my penchant for applying three inches of foundation within my life, my skin gets all verklempt (yiddish definition: overcome with emotion). Wearing this much foundation in the summer is like putting an anorak on a terrier in July. My skin is yelping. My natural tendency to consume more caffeine than solid food doesn't make the case any better -- and let's not even mention, air conditioning, stress, difficult siblings, standing in lines, the recession, the world. Under all this stress, the epidermis crieth out.

Feed me honey, it said today. So I have. What kind of honey though? Well, there are all types, but I had a bear-shaped bottle of Trader Joe's clover blossom honey.

3:02 pm: Let me wash this off now, and I'll tell you what happens....

3:07 pm: Well, that was WEIRD. My face seemed to eat half the honey. After leaving straight honey on la skin for about 20 minutes, when I went to wash it off, most of the honey had been absorbed. At least, that's what I think happened. I know I have a thing for desserts, but apparently my skin cells have a sweet tooth too.

There wasn't much honey to splash off my face. I used water first, but my face still felt sticky. So I washed my face two times with Body Time Unscented Cream cleanser, a total fave. Then, I dried it with a towel.

Overall, my skin looked redder than before, but that's a natural reaction to any antibacterial product. It also felt smoother. We'll see what it looks like in an hour or two.

Don't judge. Is this the strangest thing I've done lately? Well, yes.

Outblogged By A Mile

It's been a while, but there are very few "substantive" style blog posts in this world, which is why I proffer to you a "magnum opus" by Laura Jane Faulds...

Read it: A STYLE ICON/MAGNUM OPUS HYBRID: For Raymond Douglas Davies; Sincerely, Laura Jane

A STYLE ICON/MAGNUM OPUS HYBRID: For Raymond Douglas Davies; Sincerely, Laura Jane

A STYLE ICON/MAGNUM OPUS HYBRID: For Raymond Douglas Davies; Sincerely, Laura Jane

A STYLE ICON/MAGNUM OPUS HYBRID: For Raymond Douglas Davies; Sincerely, Laura Jane

Me and My Yves Saint Laurent Mask Are Doing Fine, Thank You

It's odd when an impulse purchase is spurred by your brother's disapproval for not spending enough money. But that's exactly what happened to me after my brother decided that leaving Macy's with a new pair of socks just would not cut it for the day.

While economizing is all the vogue, holding a flimsy shopping bag with the least expensive item in the store doesn't really provide much "retail therapy." (Has everyone forgotten this magnificent phrase and taken up a black Puritan's hat? Not I.) Within fifteen minutes of my brother's "you-can't-leave-with-just-socks" pep talk, the words Yves Saint Laurent appeared like a flash in the sky.

Soon I was reviewing my options at the YSL cosmetics counter with a gentlemanly, turtlenecked salesperson who inspected my skin and began recommending many fancy products. And that is how I ended up with a graceful blue tube of Yves Saint Laurent Pur Instant Pur mask with special Himalayan Blue Poppy water. The purifying mask has a light fragrance and the color of the goop matches the packaging of the box and the tube. At $37, it sure isn't for St. Ives, but anything French (poems, scarves, boys) makes me forget all reason.

As for the Himalayan blue poppy part (a little freaky, no?), I think Himalayan ingredients, like Kombucha drink, have become all the rage. Everyone's doing it. And my impression is this Himalayan blue poppy can thrive in 7 degree weather, whereas I need a wool sweater when it's 65 degrees out. Yes, my darling tube of blue YSL mask will probably outlast me and Frances McDormand on a bitter December night. Maybe we shall plant the tube on an arid mountaintop with bitter soil (the preferred environment of this strain of poppy) after it is finished perfecting my skin.

Not much other news to relate. Gotta dash to an island pronto!

A Most Surprising Response to My Aversion to Botox Injections on Cruise Ships

I was amazed to receive such a comment on my blog, so I thought I would post it here prominently instead of burying it in the normal comments section. A while back, I wrote about the recent phenomena of getting Botox on cruises. This trend is totally insane, in my not-so-humble opinion.

But here is the response I received from "last minute cruise vacations". This is last minute cruise vacations' two cents::

Is Botox-at-sea a good idea?I spoke with Pittsburgh plastic surgeon and anti-aging expert Dr. James J. Barber, the author of “The Forever Factor”. Barber, who has worked with Botox since it was first approved by the Food and Drug Administration, acknowledged that there has been a lot of abuse of the product by unscrupulous doctors who dilute the drug with more saline than is recommended. Nevertheless, Barber feels that Botox can be safely offered on cruise ships so long as it is administered by an experienced, board-certified plastic surgeon or dermatologist, in a sterile environment and at recommended doses.

I'm not sure if this exchange between last minute cruise vacations and Dr. Barber, who is a real person, did take place. But I hope this type of comment doesn't resurface on my blog.

Hugs from the Thought police,
Charlotte

Hit the Snooze Button, and a Week Passed

OMG! So tired!

Pulling out the old typewriter here, but I'm feeling too mellow (code: exhausted) for a true update. I will have you know though that Vincent Longo makeup is 75% off at the Bath & Body Works across the street from Grand Central station. Nabbed a tube of his lipstick in Foolish Virgin for around six bucks.


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Mind drifting to RNC (bad, too early!), and Palin's thoughts on women's rights (much too early!)....must return to more pleasant thoughts of pink-mauve cosmetics. (Sigh, better.)

I may be looking for an heiress-blogger....if you know any girls or boys who like makeup counters, drop a line to eyeshadowgovernment [at] gmail.com.

Stay charming,
C